mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My breasts were aching with rage.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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