I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
