im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
