Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As shirtless as possible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
