True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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