Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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