i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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