Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
