my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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