Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
