Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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