I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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