i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
