we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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