These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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