Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
