He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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