mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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