I look better un-naked...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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