sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize