Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
