eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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