I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
