I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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