He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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