hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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