Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
smell my finger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
