My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
