She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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