I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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