Pappa wants mamma naked
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
