Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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