we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
