What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
