remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
