2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
