Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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