we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
