For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
