Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
