you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
