Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
