Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
