So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
