fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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