Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
