Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize