Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
