you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
