then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
