508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
