I am puke
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
