If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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