i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
