even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
