This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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