well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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