My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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