All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
