True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
