He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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