rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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