i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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