He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
