Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
