I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
