I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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