He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
