somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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