Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
