I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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