The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
