I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
