her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
