you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
