My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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